Disaster Area

Watching the Church of England

I've been reading a book over the last few months called Wqatching the English by Kate Fox, and English anthropologist. It's been both insightful and frustrating - seeing both the best and worst of English culture, and seeing which parts I've left behind and what has stayed with me - a maddening mix of both the good and the bad.

The Church of England, though, is reserved for the end, almost an afterthought or epilogue in itself. Her observations, culled from observing all manner of English people, ring so true it's startling. They come down to these three passages:

I’ve called this chapter Rites of Passage, rather than Religion, because religion as such is largely irrelevant to the lives of most English people nowadays, but the rituals to which Church of England vicars irreverently refer as ‘hatchings, matchings and dispatchings’, and other less momentous transitions, are still important. Most honest Anglican clerics will readily admit that the rites de passage of marriage, death, and to a lesser extent birth, are now their only point of contact with the majority of their parishioners. Some of us might attend a service at Christmas, and an even smaller number at Easter, but for most, church attendance is limited to weddings, funerals, and perhaps christenings.

Fox, Kate (2008). Watching the English: The Hidden Rules of English Behaviour (p. 353). Nicholas Brealey Publishing. Kindle Edition.

In any case, the Church of England is the least religious church on Earth. It is notoriously woolly-minded, tolerant to a fault and amiably non-prescriptive. To put yourself down as ‘C of E’ (we prefer to use this abbreviation whenever possible, in speech as well as on forms, as the word ‘church’ sounds a bit religious, and ‘England’ might seem a bit patriotic) on a census or application form, as is customary, does not imply any religious observance or beliefs whatsoever – not even a belief in the existence of God. Alan Bennett once observed, in a speech to the Prayer Book Society, that in the Anglican Church ‘whether or not one believes in God tends to be sidestepped. It’s not quite in good taste. Someone said that the Church of England is so constituted that its members can really believe anything at all, but of course almost none of them do’.

ibid (p. 354).

It is hard to find anyone who takes the Church of England seriously – even among its own ranks. In 1991, the then Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr George Carey, said: ‘I see it as an elderly lady, who mutters away to herself in a corner, ignored most of the time’. And this typically Eeyorish comment was in an interview immediately following his appointment to the most exalted position in this Church. If the Archbishop of Canterbury himself likens his church to an irrelevant senile old biddy, it is hardly surprising that the rest of us feel free to ignore it. Sure enough, in a sermon almost a decade later, he bemoaned the fact that ‘A tacit atheism prevails’. Well, really – what did he expect?

ibid (p. 354).

All of which makes me wonder why anyone cares about whether or not one is affiliated with the organization on the personal or corporate level.

The World's Worst Place to be Gay?

Uganda probably tops the list.

BBC Radio DJ Scott Mills went to Uganda to film a segment for the show The World's Worst Place to be Gay? and ended up running for his life with his crew after an interview with the infamous Ugandan MP David Bahati, author of the Anti-Gay legislation currently under consideration in Uganda. Mills is gay, and during the interview with Bahati, he told him he was gay, at which point Bahati ordered the cameras to stop and called afterwards to find out where they were staying and registration numbers of the cars they were using. The person they reached gave them erroneous information and the group were able to get out safely.

In the interview above, Mills makes the point, echoed by many of us, "...like a lot of Africa, their laws are pretty outdated."

It's a point that's not often made for fear of showing ex-colonial disdain, but it is pretty much true.

O Holy Night (from hell)

UPDATED - see below.

As usual at this time of year, the Christmas Carols Gone Wrong get circulated around the intertubes.

The Music Academy trotted out this one again. Audio only. Keep listening, or fast forward to 2:13 for the really great bit.

Many people have commented about how they can't believe someone wouldn't know they were so terrible. And the answer is no, they were not unaware - it's a spoof.

Full story here:

I'm not saying the spoof was a good idea, mind...

UPDATE: Oh, you can even buy it on iTunes. Much like the Portsmouth Sinfonia (see below), a little of this goes a long way.

My favorite version of this great song  is still my friend Eileen McIntyre singing it 20+ years ago back in Pennsylvania. Simple arrangement, beautiful voice.

 

One of the Best Sermons Ever?

The Very Rev Jeffrey John, Dean of St Albans, preaching at the funeral of the Very Rev Colin Slee, Dean of Southwark.

This segment is particularly profound, addressing why bad things happen to good people - a perennial topic of debate, consternation and confusion:

That faith never wavered, not even in the few weeks between the diagnosis and his death. A fortnight ago Colin asked me to say something at a service he had been due to preach at in St Albans.  He said this:

‘People have been shocked by the suddenness and seriousness of my illness, and some have asked ‘Why you?’ Well, why not me? We believe in a God who creates a world with freedom for life, and freedom means the potential for going wrong. Cancer is life gone wrong. But if God didn’t let go and let go wrong, He would be less than the God of the Gospel’.

Other people had said to him ‘It’s not fair: you’ve led a good life’. Colin replied, ‘How do you know? And anyway, whatever goodness I have is God’s gift. We rely on mercy, not fairness’.

Makes one wonder why the Very Rev Jeffrey John isn't a bishop himself...

Anglican Covenant: "Peace For Our Time"

Church of England Synod opens today with the proposed Anglican Covenant on the table. The Minister of Magic, sorry, Archbishop of Canterbury, has this to say about it.

The Covenant text itself represents work done by theologians of similarly diverse views, including several from North America. It does not invent a new orthodoxy or a new system of doctrinal policing or a centralised authority, quite explicitly declaring that it does not seek to override any province's canonical autonomy. After such a number of discussions and revisions, it is dispiriting to see the Covenant still being represented as a tool of exclusion and tyranny."

It is sad to see such a bright fellow reveal himself to be delusional. This blind trust in the covenant designers and promoters reminds me of 1938 and a certain Neville Chamberlain...

My good friends, this is the second time there has come back from Germany to Downing Street peace with honour. I believe it is peace for our time. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Now I recommend you go home, and sleep quietly in your beds.

Ah yes, sleep quietly in your beds Anglicans around the world... (but only with members of the opposite sex)

The ecclesiastical research labs » The Cartoon Blog by Dave Walker

This image is a small extract from my cartoon ‘The ecclesiastical research labs’, more of which can be seen as the background to my Twitter page.

via www.cartoonchurch.com

Well worth checking out - if you're looking for a church themed calendar for next year as a gift or even for yourself, Dave Walker's 2011 church calendar could be just the thing. Available at Amazon US as well as Amazon UK.

Church Cartoon Excellence from England

My UK readers will no doubt be well aware of the cartoons of Dave Walker. Those in the US not so much. The inestimable Mr. Walker has a new book of cartoons out (his third, I believe) called The Exciting World of Churchgoing - available Sept 30 on Amazon in the US.

I could try to describe Dave Walker's style or the book myself, but Simon Jenkins of Ship of Fools (the (web) magazine of Christian unrest) fame did the job for me.

Dave’s visual style is deceptively simple – with childlike drawings of bishops, people in pews and church architecture – and reminds me of Tim Hunkin’s Rudiments of Wisdom cartoons from the Observer in the 1980s. But what takes these above Hunkin is the humour, which is delivered through flatly factual text.

For example, a cartoon on the responsibilities of the church sound desk operator: ‘Moving the slider up a bit. Moving the slider down a bit. Every now and then pressing the “sudden unexpected feedback” button.’

The deadpanning and the simple drawings conceal an artful and inventive brain at work.

Here's a sample of Dave's work from his blog:

Not all humor crosses the Atlantic in either direction, but I find Dave's work to be uniquely British, but also easily understood universally. Oh, and funny as heck... and licensable for use in your church bulletins and newsletters for a very reasonable fee.

And there's a calendar for 2011, too...

Wonkette: Evil Old Nazi Pope Tries To Trick Anglicans Into Becoming Catholics

Trying to finish what his Nazi forces started during World War II, Pope Joseph Ratzinger will attack England tomorrow with a bizarre offer to turn Anglicans into Catholics, even though he has publically described non-Catholic Christians as following a “defective” religion, and also the Church of England lets ladies work as priests, and other Anglican churches allow women to serve as bishops, and in general the decentralized Anglican faith is not really so much known for raping children constantly, the way the ordained Catholic officials rape children constantly, and then spend decades/centuries trying to hide it and discrediting the victims. Anyway, good try, Ratzi, we guess?

via wonkette.com

And you thought *I* was tough on the pope?

Note to the uninitiated: Wonkette is a cross between normal political commentary and The Onion. In other words, just about right...

Out of Control at Lambeth Palace

Apparently applies to both the Archbishop of Canterbury and any large vehicle that happens by...

Historical building came face-to-face with reckless bus earlier today. London SE1 has the full story:

Lambeth Palace Road was closed to traffic in both directions whilst fire crews and police dealt with the crash.

The bus is a single-deck Mercedes Citaro on route 507 between Waterloo and Victoria. It is operated by Go-Ahead London.

via Drama at Lambeth Palace as bus knocks down part of garden wall [9 September 2010].

UPDATE: There’s an extraordinary update to this story by someone who was on the bus who added their experience in our comments section. Here’s what Stan had to say:

I was on the bus when the accident happened. This was the most terrible experience in my life. The driver lost control and smashed into a wall and then a lamp post. Most of the passengers had to be taken to hospital for treatment. I am feeling fine at the moment but still in shock and with headache. I hope the drivers is well as I’ve heard from the paramedics he might have had a cardiac arrest.

We hope he’s OK, and the driver too.

Me too. I see the bus was a Mercedes, which is German. The Pope is German too... Too tenuous for a conspiracy theory?

"The Slow, Whining Death of British Christianity"

The slide into irrelevance if the Church of England has been well documented over the past decades. There are pockets of resistance here and there, and the odd bright spot, but the decline has been inexorable. One of the least appreciated reasons, I believe, is establishment - the fact the church is part of the state. This privileged position has allowed the Church of England to ignore fundamental structural changes in the nature of the country and the populace for far too long. Now, it seems, changing is just too difficult.

Johann Hari, a columnist for the Independent, a UK newspaper, has some stinging words for the Church of England. Having read his article, published online in GQ - Losing our Religion and republished at the Huffington Post under the title of this blog post, I can't see a single factual error. His criticism is aimed almost entirely at the upper reaches of the church, where a parade of Archbishops of Canterbury have presided over the decline, and been unwilling to engage in the hard work of dismantling the unwieldy superstructure of centuries of church privilege.

"How did it happen? For centuries, religion was insulated from criticism in Britain. First its opponents were burned, then jailed, then shunned. But once there was a free marketplace of ideas, once people could finally hear both the religious arguments and the rationalist criticisms of them, the religious lost the British people. Their case was too weak, their opposition to divorce and abortion and gay people too cruel, their evidence for their claims nonexistent. Once they had to rely on persuasion rather than intimidation, the story of British Christianity came to an end."

Despite being the official religion of the state, the C of E has actively campaigned, as Hari notes, to have itself exempted from much modern legislation, mostly that involving discrimination. They actively campaign to be allowed to discriminate against, oh, "the gays" (except the closeted gay bishops and priests, who get to keep all their ministerial privileges, including the right to exclude women from the club.) All of this just serves to make the church seem more and more out of touch. And we're not talking about hedonistic laws - we're talking about anti-discrimination legislation that belongs firmly in the universal human rights arena. It's an odd thing, but when it comes down to that kind of issue it seems more and more odd for the church (any church) to be fighting it.

The more time goes on, the more ridiculous knots the C of E ties itself into. The smartest move by far would be for its hierarchy to move as quickly as possible for disestablishment, letting go of an antiquated position that grows more ridiculous by the day (but oh, the agony of giving up those 26 seats in the House of Lords!). Only then will the church truly be able to rebuild itself into what it ought to be.